Drug Raped By My Boss:
I thought I could never get raped given that was having the "perfect" life- I have a good family, I am well educated, I never had any major problems, I have a stable long-term relationship, I live in a good neighborhood, and I was very cautious. However, sexual assaults happen more often then we think. This is my story and the purpose is to clarify what drug rape is so that men can stop and women can protect themselves, recognize, report and prosecute it.
I am a graduate student at university and I worked in a local fitness center as a part-time job. I am petite woman at 5’6, 120 lbs. in my early twenties. The assailant was the owner of the fitness center that I worked at and my boss, an older man in his forties. He was much larger than I, standing about 6’2 and weighing about 240 lbs. There was a staff Christmas party at a local restaurant. About 50 people from work that came to the party that night.
I drove to the restaurant; therefore, I was not planning to drink. I sat beside co-workers that I did not know very well since I only worked part-time. The people I knew did not sit beside me, I found that odd. In fact prior to the incident my boss asked my if I would be coming to this party on three different occasions. At the time, it became a little annoying so I told my boss that I had to eat, so I would come to the supper. The receptionist was in-charge of getting our reservations, so I found it strange that he was so interested in my presence at the party. Upon my arrival at the restaurant at about 6PM, neither my friend nor I (the person who I worked the mostly closely with at the gym) were told that we could invite a guest. My friend arrived a few minutes after me, and he was advised that he had a seat reserved for him elsewhere. We both found that very odd. I was sitting with a group I did not know very well and even some employees that I had never seen before.
After the first hour, I was drinking water and talking to my coworkers. I am sociable person but I am usually very calm and shy. The owner of the fitness club came over and said that we should be drinking and relaxing, so he ordered some wine for our table. A couple of minutes later, he urged me to drink more. I said that I couldn’t since I was driving. So, he offered me a lift home since he lived near close by. I stood up to call my parents. On my way to the hallway, he asked if I was sure that my boyfriend was not coming. I said that I was not aware that he was invited; therefore, he was not coming. My parents came and I met them at the door to give them my keys.
At about 8PM I came back to my seat and there was a second glass of wine. I started drinking and continued the conversation. At about 8:30PM the salad came I started being unable to swallow. I ate one quarter of my plate and gave up on the rest. The main course came I was unable to pick up my fork... I struggled with my food and ended up not eating anything. I remember my boss came a few times to ask me if I was okay and if I was enjoying my food (since I wasn't eating).
From that moment, I do not remember very much. I remember feeling not well. So the owner brought me to the women's bathroom. I was unable to walk. I fell to the floor. Some girls were in the bathroom and they helped me up. I made myself throw-up; I thought I might feel better. One of the girls said she wanted to call 911, but my boss said that I would be okay- I just drank too much. She told me my eyes were rolling backwards in my head.
A few minutes later, at about 10:30PM, my boss said that he was bringing me home to the girls in the bathroom. So the girls helped me to his car. He wanted to carry me out, but the girls did not let him.
In the car, I remember asking him where is the other lady who was supposed to get a lift with him. He said she got another lift. I asked why he didn't want to go out dancing (like it was planned), he said it wasn’t his type of thing. He asked me if I wanted to go to his house, since I wasn't feeling well and my parents would not want to see me in that condition. I am not sure that I agreed or not. I was told to leave my purse in his car (which contained my cellular phone.)
He carried me in his house. Next thing I remember is lying naked in his bed. He must of undressed me while I was passed out during the car ride. I said no and tried to push him away, he said okay and that we will do other things. He started doing oral sex. I remember that I was unable to feel my body, as if I was numbed – unable to move. I remember I passed out again it must have been about 1AM. Then, I remember a brief conversation we had. Then, I opened my eyes he was on top of me. I remember he pushed my hands, legs, and body in different positions on the bed. He said everything will be okay and raped me. Sometimes when I woke up, and started saying anything that crossed my mind... Why are your blinds open, why is the light open, why is the radio on and etc.. I remember I told him, repeatedly, that I was mad and that I did not want this to have sex with him. I did not feel it. I saw him leave. I got dressed and lied down back on the bed (since I was exhausted from getting dressed.)
He talked about the stars - looking through his skylight window. At about 2 AM, he undressed me and raped me again. I passed out after he was finished.
I woke up, and then I woke my boss. He told me it was 3 am. I said I have to go home. I asked him where I was and he said “You don’t remember” and he laughed. He asked me if I wanted to eat anything and if I wanted to come back another night. I said no, I can't. Finally, he said really liked me and wanted to get to know me better.
He drove me home. He tried to kiss me, but I turned my head. I never heard from him again afterwards. I never went back to work again.
I went to the hospital 24 hours after the assault and filed a police complaint 48 hours after. They found some drugs in my body. Even considering this evidence, the police did not believe me for more than 2 months. They blamed me- the way I was dressed, my shoes, my appearance, and the fact that I drank wine, etc. They even told me to forget about it- “I just had a night of passionate sex…”
I did not give up and I pressured them to investigate. Like many, my case turned out inconclusive in part because the drugs had impaired my memory and there was not enough physical evidence.
The difficulties that I faced in the aftermath are due to the effects of drugs. Since I cannot recall what happened during a significant time period, I cope with a gap in my memory. I can only imagine what happened. I saw a counselor for many months afterwards to help me stop my nightmares, improve my appetite, stop my panic attacks (which caused me to faint) and decreased my level of stress.
My advice is not to trust people too much even if they have lots of money, power ( i.e., superior position, older and are success in life). At parties, do not accept lift from people you really do not know. Go to parties with trusted friends and tell them that you are not leaving with anybody but them!!
Finally, I will always ask myself: Why me? I had the "perfect" life... now I can't say that anymore. One year later, I have moved on with my life but I still struggle with the memory of this awful night.
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